The Spoils: a Play by Jesse Eisenberg

Author:Jesse Eisenberg [Eisenberg, Jesse]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780802191397
Publisher: Grove Atlantic
Published: 2015-11-15T00:00:00+00:00

ACT 2

SCENE 1

One Week Later

The projector illuminates the following raw film footage as the lights slowly fade up.

A nicely dressed 60-year-old woman yells at a small dog. She says, “Baxter, no! We don’t eat from the garbage.”

We hear Ben, off camera, say, “Try it again. More angry.”

The woman says, “No Baxter!” Ben says, “Angrier!”

The woman says, with great anger and terrible acting, “Baxter, NO! We don’t eat from the garbage!”

Ben says, off camera, “Great! Cut!”

The lights fully fade up to reveal Ben sitting on the couch editing this scene on his laptop and drinking a red bull.

He rewinds the footage and watches it again. He edits out the first two takes and plays the last one. He then cues up another shot:

Angle on a dog eating from the garbage. It’s an amateurish looking close-up of the dog gnawing at the trash bag. We hear Ben off camera yelling at the dog.

“Tear into it! Really go for it! Can somebody please put his nose in deeper?” The dog’s nose gets pushed in the garbage by someone off camera. Ben says “Great, perfect! Cut!”

Ben, on the couch, takes a swig of Red Bull and takes a deep breath, satisfied.

Ben hears keys starting to open the door so he closes his laptop and runs offstage, into his bedroom.

The door opens and Kalyan, Reshma, Ted, and Sarah enter. They are giddy and drunk.

SARAH So, I saw this dog the other day. It was a collie. But just like a regular collie, which was weird …

TED Hmm. I can’t believe it’s not border!

They all crack up at the inside joke.

SARAH How’d you know that’s where I was going?

TED (a funny demon voice) I know all!

RESHMA I thought you were gonna say I can’t believe it’s not breeder!

SARAH What does that even mean?

RESHMA I have no idea. I was gonna say I can’t believe it’s not better!

They laugh again.

TED Wait, do we have to be quiet?

RESHMA Is Ben home?

KALYAN I’ll check.

RESHMA If he is, I’m leaving.

SARAH I would say hi.

KALYAN He’s actually been amazing the last few days.

SARAH What do you mean?

KALYAN He started working on some project after you guys were here last week and he’s been a totally different person.

Ben exits from his bedroom. He is in good spirits.

BEN Namaste, motherfuckers!

TED Did we wake you up?

BEN Are you kidding? I’ve been slogging away all night.

RESHMA You’re actually working?

BEN Yes I am, Reshma, I don’t take weekends off, like some people.

KALYAN Is it okay if we’re all here now or are we in your way?

BEN No, I was hoping you guys would come back here! Seriously, I’m good. I could use a little break.

SARAH Are you sure? It’s getting so late.

RESHMA I know it’s almost morning and I can’t believe it’s not brighter.

The gang cracks up!

BEN What’s so funny?

RESHMA Nothing, it’s stupid.

TED Ben, we brought you some food back from PJ’s.

BEN Awesome. Thanks! What’d you bring me?

TED It’s a veggie burger.

SARAH Kalyan said you like it from that place.

BEN Perfect. I love it. Thanks guys.

Ted goes to the fridge and pulls out the Nepalese beer.

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